Lets face it, good movies are getting much more rare these days, like an oil well running on fumes. Fresh and original concepts are few and far between. Low-grade sequels are like a plague these days, with the top dogs at Hollywood eager to feed off the success of one movie, encourage studios to pump out sequels to successful movies that have long overstayed their welcome, such as Pirates of the Caribbean, Saw, and Shrek. The problem with this that good movie sequels in of themselves are hard to do, like the Godfather Part II or Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, which add to the stories they are based off rather than simply cash in off it. But even if the most talented, hard-working director crafts a masterpiece of a sequel, they’ll have an even harder time with making a good sequel TO the sequel, which has all but never happened. Today, it’s a common practice to hurry movie franchises along by not only making a sequel, but a sequel to that sequel at the same time, rushing the story along and paying half attention to the films just to make a quick buck. Simply brilliant. And that’s not even touching the slew of horrendous, unoriginal drivel such the unfunny parody Vampires Suck, the critical bombshell Sucker Punch, and the insane mess that is M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender.
Another annoying thing about modern movie theaters today is the excessive use of gimmicks. My thoughts on today’s 3D craze can be summarized by acclaimed film critic Roger Ebert,
“3-D is a waste of a perfectly good dimension. Hollywood’s current crazy stampede toward it is suicidal. It adds nothing essential to the movie going experience. For some, it is an annoying distraction. For others, it creates nausea and headaches.”
After all, the average price of a ticket costs $7.89 dollars, the highest its ever been. And don’t forget popcorn, which can get even more expensive! After all that, why do I have to pay five extra dollars to make the screen blurry and wear awkward glasses? Yeah, that’s exactly how I want to watch the latest Harry Potter…with blurry backgrounds and special effects that don’t so much “leap out” at me than hurt my eyes. 3D just doesn’t work for some people, yet theaters insist on shoving it down our throats because they want keep up with the latest, soon-to-be-fleeting fad to rake in the green. For those of us who get nothing but headaches from it, or flat out don’t like it, staying home and waiting for the DVD is both an overall better experience and more cost-effective.
Finally, there is the problem with live streaming. Gone are the days of having to drive miles to see the latest picture, making way for the Information Age. We don’t even have to go out and rent DVDs anymore…for just eight dollars a month, we can have unlimited DVDs mailed to us by Netflix, even streamed right to our computers and game consoles. Tell me, movie theaters, why should I go out of my way to pay nearly of my hard-earned dollars (popcorn and 3D not included) for one movie, when I can stay home and have unlimited movies for a month for the same price? I’m afraid the numbers don’t like you on this one.
I bring the issue of theaters up not because I think that they are an obsolete form of entertainment that should be abandoned. Far from it, I want to see theaters make a comeback. There is no way your home television can immerse you so utterly in a film that those big, classic screens can, surrounded by darkness, speakers, the scent of butter, and maybe a friend or two. There’s just a certain…magic, if I dare say, about them, and given the special effects of today’s movies, the experience has the potential to be even more mesmerizing than it ever was. But fault lies in the movie-makers, as they have succumbed to that fatal flaw of humanity…greed. They cut corners like nobody’s business, and try to make it up by introducing “exciting and revolutionary” fads to lure us in, like fish to a worm, and the theaters just go right along with it. I don’t mind having to pay a bunch of money for my ticket and popcorn, but for that price they had better make my purchase worthwhile by giving me something genuinely good to watch…and nothing else.