Late last week, the world-famous Santa Claus was severely injured in an accident in which he fell off of his roof. His sleigh slid off the roof as well, landing directly on Claus. From his hospital bed at the North Pole Memorial Hospital, Claus announced that Christmas would have to be cancelled this year as there would be no way he would be able to go down everybody’s chimney and because he is still recovering from his injuries.
At approximately 4:22 p.m. on Friday evening, Santa was working on his sleigh when he forgot that it was still attached to the reindeer. Then, the most famous of the reindeer, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, squatted down to go to the bathroom on Claus’ roof. Just as he did that, the sleigh started sliding. Claus slid down and fell off the roof and the sleigh slipped off the rooftop and came down immediately after Claus did. The sleigh ended up landing directly on his legs.
Claus was brought to the North Pole Memorial Hospital by Mrs. Claus and he is still recovering from the injury. He suffered two broken legs and cuts on his lower stomach from the sharp blades on the sleigh.
“Mr. Claus is in very serious condition,” North Pole Memorial Hospital nurse Lorraine Collins said. “The good news is that he is conscious and is speaking to us. However, we are going to keep him at the hospital for the next few weeks, and all signs point to Mr. Claus not being able to perform his normal tasks for Christmas.”
Upon hearing the news, both parents and children around the world became pretty upset. Many parents wanted to shut their kids up, so they asked why some other guy can’t pretend to be Santa so their kids will stop their crying. One parent asked why one of the random dudes that dresses up as Mall Santas can’t take over for Santa for this year.
“I want Christmas,” a deeply upset 14-year old Timmy Sanderson said. “I don’t know what I am going to do now on Christmas. I am probably going to have to play a bunch of video games and check the lineups of my 37 fantasy football teams to take up the time that I would be spending opening presents. This sucks!”
We will update you on the progress of Claus when more information becomes available.
